Tuesday, June 1, 2010

A life-stopping moment...

So I went to see my youngest daughter's Spring concert this-morning (which was LOVELY.) I dropped her off in her classroom and hung out there for a while then followed them to the performance center, wished her luck and went to stand in line and wait for the doors to open. In front of me were two women; one had a stroller with a very young baby inside. I looked down at this child's face and felt INSTANTLY connected to him but had no idea as to why...there was something in his eyes that grabbed a hold of me and wouldn't let go. I"m standing there, stunned at my inner-most feelings, with the world stopped around me fighting the urge to cry....for a moment it was only me and that beautiful little boy. Odd, I thought, hmmm, a stranger's baby and here I am, ready to cry and don't understand why. I notice the conversation.....it's the woman pushing the stroller talking to the other woman....she's speaking about 'his' adoption.....and his 'birth mother'.....and how this woman standing in front of me wants to keep the adoption 'as open as possible' but that the first mom doesn't appear to be interested...then they're talking about grandparent's rights and whether or not 'her' *the first mom's* parents can win rights...and, again, I'm stunned. THAT'S the connection!!! My heart broke as I watched the woman in front of me push a bottle into that beautiful, fussy little baby's face as she continues to talk! He's 3 months old (yes, I had asked)!!! He needs eye-to-eye contact and a physical connection when he's being fed...not to be laid in a stroller and have a bottle shoved in his face! So he starts to cough and she pulls the bottle out. She tells him that he's drinking too fast and places it back into his mouth; the other woman suggests that perhaps the milk is 'too warm' and their conversation continued. Inside the performance center, he was very, very fussy.....and I understood why.

I wanted to scoop him up and love him like he was my own. I thought 'is that how MY son had been raised?' Did they have no idea of the Primal Wound and how it affects these babies? He was 3 months old! Something in his soul spoke to mine; strange as it sounds, that' s what it felt like. My heart was broken for him; he's looking for someone that's not there and will not be coming. The a/parent seemed dis-connected from him, as if he was just a distraction or something.

I listened to their conversation without wanting to; they were, literally, RIGHT in front of me, facing one another, talking. Both experts on adoption, of course. My gut reaction was, honestly, to take that little boy and run with him...anywhere....and keep him there until his new mother could do some research and actually discover what this little, tiny baby really needs so that he can grow up and feel loved and connected and not unwanted and unloved, like the majority of us did.

It was a life-stopping moment. When I first looked down at him he took my breath away. As if he COULD actually see me. His soul searching mine...for understanding, maybe? My heart broke for him and I didn't quite understand why....then I heard the words 'his adoption' and knew......he's just like me.

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