Since all of this stuff started last Tuesday, I have been verbally attacked by a few people based upon my decision to go 'public' with my story and to set up the donation web site...I've been called lazy, stupid and have been belittled for wanting to pay a 'blood sucker' that will (accusingly) use 'illegal' measures to help find my son. Let me tell anyone that may be interested here that absolutely NO ONE was crying foul when my son was taken from me and adopted ILLEGALLY. No one stood in the court room and called the adoptive parents, the doctor or the attorney 'blood suckers'...oh, that's right, they were baby-buyers. Furthermore, accusing a group of doing something illegal when you have no direct knowledge and/or proof of this accusation, to me, says that perhaps you're jealous of the work that they're capable of performing that you are not. And these are the people that come out of the proverbial woodwork when you join some of these sites to search. Now, don't get me wrong..there are wonderful people out there whom will jump right in and help...but beware of the control-freak type; they're the ones that are all sweet until you decide on a different direction...then the sweet demeanor disappears and the claws and teeth come out! Out goes the encouraging banter and in with the discouraging, accusatory, hateful banter. And I'm the one that's angry?!?!?!?!
It has been almost 9 years since my son turned 18 and I began this search....NINE YEARS!!! The ONLY information that I had were the facts that I could remember. I ordered the hospital records to see if I could begin there...I registered with state groups, country-wide groups...any place that would let me record my information and my desire to find my son and/or be found by him. I've done 'the work'......
All these people that call themselves 'angels' sure don't act like angels when you go against what THEY think you should do. I'm not here to be judged; I had enough of that in my childhood. Now I'm getting judged for taking a route other than what 'they' think I should? I'm here to find my son. That's it....TO FIND MY SON. Not to be insulted and belittled by ANYONE; especially those that pretend to be something that they are not.
Don't misinterpret what I'm saying here...there are many, many fellow adoptees and birth parents that I have met on this journey that I am proud to say are now friends...and I really, REALLY appreciate them and their input; however, I am an adult and will make my own decisions based upon what's best for both me and my family....not because someone thinks that I 'should.' Louise Hay said it best when she said that she would like the word 'should' removed from our vocabulary as it's used to assert guilt on its receiver.
The past seven days have been hell on me, my family and our close friends. I am just dumbfounded at those that have lashed out at me; both for wanting to hire Kinsolving to find my son and for setting up the donation site and telling my story!! Condemning me for not wanting to send out 2,983 letters to a random list of men born on my son's birth day (that was last updated in 2004) and then wait for, what you HOPE to be an honest answer? Really!?!?!? Being fed all this negative energy from those that are supposed to be supportive and positive?!?! To tell me that I 'should' be very careful so as to not come off as an 'angry' first mom?? Are you kidding me? I've had to hide my feelings FOR 27 YEARS!!! Damn right I'm angry!!! It's my right as a human being to be angry. If you don't agree with that, it's your prerogative; however, keep it to yourself. Look into the mirror and attack the person you're REALLY angry at. Stop projecting your anger towards me.
And you (you know who you are) call yourselves 'angels'.
Now that I've completed my venting on this issue here's the latest on the con man...the FBI, as you have probably read in my earlier blog post, has no interest in going after this man; however, my former boss is looking into some criminal charges against him. I, myself, have removed myself and my family from all of this continuing drama. The reporter will publish his article on what this man has done to me and my family in hopes that his face will be plastered all over the media both here and in Massachusetts. My goal in all this is, since the FBI won't touch him, that we get his face 'out there' so that anyone he comes into contact with in the future will know his face...and his name. Once the article is published I will post a link to my blog and to my Facebook profile for all to see...the more people that see his face and know his name, the better. I would not want this man's Karma for all the money in the world!!! I'll keep you all posted!
Thanks for taking the time to read my blog! (((HUGS)))