So, most of you know that I am not only a first mom looking for her son but also an adoptee searching for her paternal biologic connection. Well, back in February I successfully (with the help of my search angel) found my half-brother; she found a FB profile with a name similar to what I had been told by my first mother and voila! It was him. He acknowledged that he was my bio father's son and we emailed, through FB, several times. Upon asking me for some identifying information (to which I had answered correctly) he asked me for 'some time to digest' what I had just told him. I have not heard from him again.
Now, I did NOT divulge the fact that I had talked to his (our) father back in 1996, while pregnant with my eldest daughter; I had pressured my f/m to get me his contact info as some of the prenatal testing came back questionable and they NEEDED answers and needed them fast. She, apparently, had continued sleeping with this very-married man over the years since my birth and relinquishment and knew just how to find him at his work, as an engineer at Chrysler. I called; got a voice mail and left the following message "Hi, my name is Melanee and I understand that I have questions that only you can answer" and left my number. Within 10 minutes my phone rang; it was him. When I answered the phone he stated "This is Ron Huff'. What can I do to help?" I proceeded to tell him who I was and that I understood that he was the donor to the other half of my gene pool to which he replied "Who's your mother?" and when I told him, his EXACT words were "I'm not going to dispute that. What can I do for you?" I almost fell off the chair! I told him that I needed medical background information due to questionable prenatal testing and he proceeded to give me the information that I needed. When he finished I asked him if we could meet one day...his response was "My wife and children do not know that you exist and I plan to keep it that way. Good bye." And, that was it!
The reason I kept this from my bio-brother was that I didn't want to say anything negative about his (our) father. Didn't help.
So, why am I this big, dark secret? Why don't my bio-half bro and my bio-half sister want to meet me or, at least, communicate with me? Don't THEY have the same intellectual curiosity about me that I have about them?? Do we look alike? Are our personality traits similar? Do they see me as a threat of some sort?
So, the angry part of me wants to find my bio-dad and, when he dies, go after part of the estate as his child. Well! I AM his child!!! He even went so far as to send someone else in for the blood test back in 1966. And, I have the adoption papers stating that, in 1972, when my adoption was finalized, they had notified him and he never even responded. What kind of man does that? And then for my bio mom to keep meeting up with him whenever she could to sleep with him as a mistress??? OMG!! They had had a child (ME!!) together that neither of them were raising...didn't the ever think of that?
Ok, so the not-so-angry part of me would love nothing more than to know my half-siblings and to have my children know their bio relatives. Is that really such a bad thing? Really? As an adult, why should I have to wear this veil of secrecy? Why should I have to remain in the shadows? Don't I have the right to know my family? Why doesn't he (my bio brother) feel the same?
I can understand that he's shocked that his father lied to his family about me...that part I get....but, why wouldn't HE be curious about ME??? I'm guessing that he confronted his father and it was denied yet again; however, I'd be willing to bet that seeing my face would tell him the truth about who supplied the 2nd half of my gene pool...without a doubt.
So, where do I go from here? Knowing that my bio dad doesn't want his 'dirty little secret' to get out just makes me more determined to do just that! I'm 43 years old...I'm not going to be anybody's 'dirty little secret' anymore!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
It's been a while.....
Well, it's been well over a month since I had the urge to sit and write....avoidance, perhaps? Maybe it's the mood, but I read a comment on a FB post that lit me up a bit and that, my blog-reading friends, is what brought me back to this place.
In this comment a person mentioned the lack of a 'maternal instinct' in 'some' birthmothers; which made me a little irate. On a personal note, I believe that it is that very instinct that allows us to be duped into believing that handing our child over to random strangers was the 'right' thing to do because of our personal circumstances at the time of our child's birth (and yes, they still ARE our children...just because they're taken away from us doesn't automatically change our parental status). Now, that being said, I know that there are others out there whom want no contact with their children due to their lack of self-acceptance of their situations and choices (and I believe that that's ALL it is)....but to the vast majority of those that I know and have met throughout the search for my son feel the same way I do....we loved our children.
Those adoptees that were told horrid stories of how they were 'rescued' from these horrible, unwanting human incubators are the *former* children that should be used as THE example of how this system (of lies) of adoption fails us all. Let's see...adoptive parents pay some agency to find them a baby.....do they prepare them for the repercussions of the 'primal wound' and how to handle the separation from it's biological provider? No. Do they match the prospective parents to the prospective baby? No. First come, first serve. Ahhhh, just like at McDonalds, right? THEN these parents that just 'wanted a baby'...not MY baby, but A baby...can (and most will) tell these children about how they were rescued and kept because of the horrible beast of a birth mother (notice that rarely are the bio dads ever even mentioned) and that they saved them from a horrible life.....'you should be grateful to us for taking you'.....and don't argue with me...please. Lest you forget, I am an adoptee, too. I have other adult adoptee friends and for the majority of us, it's the story we've all been told.
Fast forward to some LUCKY birth parents that have the blessing of finally finding their child (I wish I was one of them) and this child, although there's a natural, intellectual curiosity about where and whom they came from, refuses to 'hurt' their adoptive parents by reaching out (instinctually) and grasping on to their live-givers in order to learn and understand more about whom THEY are as individuals, and they let the birth parent (that not only CHOSE to give them the gift of life but then painfully searched for them until they found them) stay in the dark shadows......how dreadfully sad.
Just this past Friday, after picking up my 9-year-old daughter after school, she tells me that one of the students in her classroom has been removed and placed into another class for telling a fellow student that, because she didn't look like her parents, that she felt that the other little girl had been adopted. Crying the (adopted) little girl calls her mom and asks her if she's adopted...there's no answer. The next day (Friday) the teacher has a 'meeting' with the kids in the class telling them that the (adopted) girl will not be in but that when she returns that it's not to be discussed. Why? There should be more understanding....from all sides.
Do you see the damage that has been done to that little girl by keeping 'the secret' from her? Why was it kept from her? Why is adoption treated, even to this day, like a dark, horrible secret? It breaks my heart. I guarantee, even with counseling for years, her life will NEVER be the same.
Birth mothers are NOT monsters that live in sewer pipes. Birth mothers are NOT uncaring human incubators. Birth mothers are NOT evil whores that 'threw' our 'babies out with the bathwater.' Birth mothers are MOTHERS, the FIRST mothers of those adopted babies and all the secrets and lies are NEVER gonna change that....and I think that alone threatens a lot of infertile adoptive parents because we did what they couldn't....and that's get pregnant, feel that child grow inside us, care for it, feed it, talk to it and love it. Many of you won't like my words, but right now I'm not liking the words of some folks, myself. Thanks for reading my blog.
Love, peace and harmony to us all.
In this comment a person mentioned the lack of a 'maternal instinct' in 'some' birthmothers; which made me a little irate. On a personal note, I believe that it is that very instinct that allows us to be duped into believing that handing our child over to random strangers was the 'right' thing to do because of our personal circumstances at the time of our child's birth (and yes, they still ARE our children...just because they're taken away from us doesn't automatically change our parental status). Now, that being said, I know that there are others out there whom want no contact with their children due to their lack of self-acceptance of their situations and choices (and I believe that that's ALL it is)....but to the vast majority of those that I know and have met throughout the search for my son feel the same way I do....we loved our children.
Those adoptees that were told horrid stories of how they were 'rescued' from these horrible, unwanting human incubators are the *former* children that should be used as THE example of how this system (of lies) of adoption fails us all. Let's see...adoptive parents pay some agency to find them a baby.....do they prepare them for the repercussions of the 'primal wound' and how to handle the separation from it's biological provider? No. Do they match the prospective parents to the prospective baby? No. First come, first serve. Ahhhh, just like at McDonalds, right? THEN these parents that just 'wanted a baby'...not MY baby, but A baby...can (and most will) tell these children about how they were rescued and kept because of the horrible beast of a birth mother (notice that rarely are the bio dads ever even mentioned) and that they saved them from a horrible life.....'you should be grateful to us for taking you'.....and don't argue with me...please. Lest you forget, I am an adoptee, too. I have other adult adoptee friends and for the majority of us, it's the story we've all been told.
Fast forward to some LUCKY birth parents that have the blessing of finally finding their child (I wish I was one of them) and this child, although there's a natural, intellectual curiosity about where and whom they came from, refuses to 'hurt' their adoptive parents by reaching out (instinctually) and grasping on to their live-givers in order to learn and understand more about whom THEY are as individuals, and they let the birth parent (that not only CHOSE to give them the gift of life but then painfully searched for them until they found them) stay in the dark shadows......how dreadfully sad.
Just this past Friday, after picking up my 9-year-old daughter after school, she tells me that one of the students in her classroom has been removed and placed into another class for telling a fellow student that, because she didn't look like her parents, that she felt that the other little girl had been adopted. Crying the (adopted) little girl calls her mom and asks her if she's adopted...there's no answer. The next day (Friday) the teacher has a 'meeting' with the kids in the class telling them that the (adopted) girl will not be in but that when she returns that it's not to be discussed. Why? There should be more understanding....from all sides.
Do you see the damage that has been done to that little girl by keeping 'the secret' from her? Why was it kept from her? Why is adoption treated, even to this day, like a dark, horrible secret? It breaks my heart. I guarantee, even with counseling for years, her life will NEVER be the same.
Birth mothers are NOT monsters that live in sewer pipes. Birth mothers are NOT uncaring human incubators. Birth mothers are NOT evil whores that 'threw' our 'babies out with the bathwater.' Birth mothers are MOTHERS, the FIRST mothers of those adopted babies and all the secrets and lies are NEVER gonna change that....and I think that alone threatens a lot of infertile adoptive parents because we did what they couldn't....and that's get pregnant, feel that child grow inside us, care for it, feed it, talk to it and love it. Many of you won't like my words, but right now I'm not liking the words of some folks, myself. Thanks for reading my blog.
Love, peace and harmony to us all.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Happy Birthday to my son....another year has passed.
27 years and 11 hours ago I was in the nursery at West Penn Hospital, having been taken there by the charge nurse against the orders of my mother and the doctor, looking down at the face of my perfect little son. The head full of dark brown hair, the gray eyes that had already begun to darken, the perfect little face, hands and toes....it was the only chance I had to hold my son and to look into his eyes. I told him at that moment that I would find him one day...that nothing would stop me until I found him.
27 years and 11 hours ago my life changed, once again, permanently. Working hard, especially over the last 7 years or so, to change my life has been fruitful although is far from finished. I have 2 beautiful, amazing little girls whom I love more than life itself. I have a husband whom, for 10 years, has been tolerant, encouraging and (tries to be) understanding while standing next to me allowing me to grow and change. I like to refer my transformation over the last 7 years as my transference from the darkness into the light. I am now in the light and shine brightly while trying to share my light with anyone and everyone that crosses my path. My children share my light. I know that, somewhere, my son shares that same light. I often pray that we will be drawn to him BY that very light. My prayers have gone unanswered thus far.
Search angels have condemned me for wanting to pay Kinsolving to find my son, yet none of them have come forward with any rational ideas on how to search above and beyond what has been done up till now. Our website, www.findmyson.org, has been up and running since early last month, as requested by the newspaper reporter that suggested that it be mentioned in his article (but did not do so) has not received even ONE donation. I had really high hopes that the site would be a success and that those that could afford to donate would her our plea and help us find this man after 27 years.....but, again, I was mistaken.
As a first mom that's searching and continuously hits proverbial brick walls I often wonder why God continues to punish me....what have I done? Why am I forced to continue to carry this load? My life has changed so dramatically since I was a child....I stopped hating the world because of what happened to me....because 'they' took my son.....and started to forgive and release all of those negative, blocking thoughts and emotions...but here I am...here WE are...my family included here, still waiting for him to be found.
I am so grateful and happy for those that I've watched search and have found the missing loved one for whom they searched. I've felt the joy and emotional rush for those that have announced their connections. We would, so much, like to share OUR joy for finding the missing piece to our hearts. Perhaps my desperation has grown over the last 72 hours, arriving to the date of his birth. Perhaps the sadness has creep-ed back into my life temporarily because yet another year has passed. I know that I will never stop until we have found him; whether he wants to know us or not. At least my daughters will know if their brother exists.....as will I. This may sound strange to some of you without direct experience within this area but I love my son. I always have. I always will. There has not been ONE DAY that has passed in the last 27 years that I have not thought and wondered about his health, safety and well being. I am a mom. I am a first mom. I am HIS mom....no piece of paper could ever change that.
Monday, February 15, 2010
The seas have calmed.
So it's been a couple of weeks of finding our center so this, too, could pass. I'm disgusted by the local media; no one wanted to publish the story about a con man working within the local community. Well, when something happens that's bad enough TO get the attention of the local media then we'll be right there, front and center, to let the community members know that it was the media that decided not to warn them of the sicko that was preying on folks in our community. We contacted every newspaper and news station within a 75 mile radius; no one cared. "Freedom of speech" my a*s!!!
Back to the search. No one's donated anything to our site...which surprises me....Casey Anthony gets donations to her prison commissary account every week AND SHE KILLED HER DAUGHTER!!! I guess that I, as a searching first mom, am not worthy enough because I haven't done anything illegal or because I'm not asking for money to buy bigger breasts...hmmmm. Society makes you wonder sometimes, doesn't it??
So there are a couple of new people helping me with my search now.....we've even gotten some information offered to us by a spiritual medium!! My kids are starting to heal and it's getting easier to bring up the subject of searching again.
One of the things that bothers me the most about all of this is that we, as first moms, are judged by those that don't even know who we are. We are hated by children that have never even known us because of lies told to them by 'others.' Why are we looked at, by the obvious majority, as 'monsters' that our children had to be 'rescued' from? Weren't we the ones that chose to carry these children to term without regard to what it would do to our psyches, bodies, reputations or social lives rather than to end the pregnancy??? Does that really sound like something a 'monster' would do? Why don't many people stop to wonder what it's done to us, as women, as human beings, to have these children taken away from us with no means of future contact? Do 'they' really believe that we 'forget' about these kids after they're taken away from us?
Now I know that there are women on the opposite end of the spectrum; those whom want to avoid any contact with their children. I can't even BEGIN to understand that state of mind. How unhealthy THAT must be. How badly I wish my son would come knocking on my door or call my phone.....only to hear that those children that have searched and found have been shut down by the very woman that gave them life. There's no way I'll ever understand that.
So we're off and searching again. Still shamefully begging for donations to www.findmyson.org. I won't stop searching until we find him. As long as there's breath in my body. Whomever you are...wherever you are.....my beautiful, wonderful son....I love you...I have since the day I realized you were growing inside me.
Back to the search. No one's donated anything to our site...which surprises me....Casey Anthony gets donations to her prison commissary account every week AND SHE KILLED HER DAUGHTER!!! I guess that I, as a searching first mom, am not worthy enough because I haven't done anything illegal or because I'm not asking for money to buy bigger breasts...hmmmm. Society makes you wonder sometimes, doesn't it??
So there are a couple of new people helping me with my search now.....we've even gotten some information offered to us by a spiritual medium!! My kids are starting to heal and it's getting easier to bring up the subject of searching again.
One of the things that bothers me the most about all of this is that we, as first moms, are judged by those that don't even know who we are. We are hated by children that have never even known us because of lies told to them by 'others.' Why are we looked at, by the obvious majority, as 'monsters' that our children had to be 'rescued' from? Weren't we the ones that chose to carry these children to term without regard to what it would do to our psyches, bodies, reputations or social lives rather than to end the pregnancy??? Does that really sound like something a 'monster' would do? Why don't many people stop to wonder what it's done to us, as women, as human beings, to have these children taken away from us with no means of future contact? Do 'they' really believe that we 'forget' about these kids after they're taken away from us?
Now I know that there are women on the opposite end of the spectrum; those whom want to avoid any contact with their children. I can't even BEGIN to understand that state of mind. How unhealthy THAT must be. How badly I wish my son would come knocking on my door or call my phone.....only to hear that those children that have searched and found have been shut down by the very woman that gave them life. There's no way I'll ever understand that.
So we're off and searching again. Still shamefully begging for donations to www.findmyson.org. I won't stop searching until we find him. As long as there's breath in my body. Whomever you are...wherever you are.....my beautiful, wonderful son....I love you...I have since the day I realized you were growing inside me.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Down to the wire!!
So, tomorrow's the day....the reporter emailed confirmation that our story will be hitting the Worcester, Mass. Telegraph Gazette tomorrow! Once he emails us the link, I'll be contacting ALL local media..from Tampa to Key West, Orlando and Miami..anyone that'll hear us. I'm nervous, scared and exhilarated all at the same time. Nervous because I don't know what this sociopath is going to do once he gets wind that I'm the one that caught on to him (Not his "sis"!!!), scared because I'm putting my family 'out there' for another part of the US (to be judged) and exhilarated because I know that we're doing everything within our power to get this man's face plastered all over the media so that he'll be soooo recognizable that he won't be able to hurt anyone ever again!
Today, we sent an email to Governor Charlie Crist. We would like someone to answer as to why this man can pretend to be a 3-star brigadier general (with a fake military ID AND a phony press release announcing his promotion as such), which violates the "Stolen Valor Act of 2005" and no one really cares. Report after report after report to the FBI...nothing. Con after con after con...nothing. So we'll do our part. Let's see if we can make enough noise to finally be heard!!!
The search for my son has grown some more wings.....I have new angels.....and they are just that...angels. My cousin, Faith, has been a wonderful, new addition to this ongoing search. We are all rallying together and working as a team....talking, comparing notes...even though all of my notes have been lost to the computer monster....and he won't give them back! I had, however, emailed some of my search info to Faith...and she was kind enough to keep them....now I have some of that info back. My site, www.findmyson.org, should hit the main stream tomorrow...everyone please, PLEASE pray for site prosperity. Pray that donations will come so that we can allow Kinsolving to find my son....that all of the negativity that's hit my family (even from 'friendly fire') can be put behind us and we can begin the next chapter of our lives.
We're very excited at the prospect of this man getting caught. I'll be sure to post a link to the new newspaper article as soon as I can to the blog.
I want to thank all of you for taking the time to read my blog.....prayers are gratuitously accepted...especially at this moment in time. Good night all....see you tomorrow!!! YIKES!
Today, we sent an email to Governor Charlie Crist. We would like someone to answer as to why this man can pretend to be a 3-star brigadier general (with a fake military ID AND a phony press release announcing his promotion as such), which violates the "Stolen Valor Act of 2005" and no one really cares. Report after report after report to the FBI...nothing. Con after con after con...nothing. So we'll do our part. Let's see if we can make enough noise to finally be heard!!!
The search for my son has grown some more wings.....I have new angels.....and they are just that...angels. My cousin, Faith, has been a wonderful, new addition to this ongoing search. We are all rallying together and working as a team....talking, comparing notes...even though all of my notes have been lost to the computer monster....and he won't give them back! I had, however, emailed some of my search info to Faith...and she was kind enough to keep them....now I have some of that info back. My site, www.findmyson.org, should hit the main stream tomorrow...everyone please, PLEASE pray for site prosperity. Pray that donations will come so that we can allow Kinsolving to find my son....that all of the negativity that's hit my family (even from 'friendly fire') can be put behind us and we can begin the next chapter of our lives.
We're very excited at the prospect of this man getting caught. I'll be sure to post a link to the new newspaper article as soon as I can to the blog.
I want to thank all of you for taking the time to read my blog.....prayers are gratuitously accepted...especially at this moment in time. Good night all....see you tomorrow!!! YIKES!
Monday, February 1, 2010
The latest in...well, the drama that 'is'...
Since all of this stuff started last Tuesday, I have been verbally attacked by a few people based upon my decision to go 'public' with my story and to set up the donation web site...I've been called lazy, stupid and have been belittled for wanting to pay a 'blood sucker' that will (accusingly) use 'illegal' measures to help find my son. Let me tell anyone that may be interested here that absolutely NO ONE was crying foul when my son was taken from me and adopted ILLEGALLY. No one stood in the court room and called the adoptive parents, the doctor or the attorney 'blood suckers'...oh, that's right, they were baby-buyers. Furthermore, accusing a group of doing something illegal when you have no direct knowledge and/or proof of this accusation, to me, says that perhaps you're jealous of the work that they're capable of performing that you are not. And these are the people that come out of the proverbial woodwork when you join some of these sites to search. Now, don't get me wrong..there are wonderful people out there whom will jump right in and help...but beware of the control-freak type; they're the ones that are all sweet until you decide on a different direction...then the sweet demeanor disappears and the claws and teeth come out! Out goes the encouraging banter and in with the discouraging, accusatory, hateful banter. And I'm the one that's angry?!?!?!?!
It has been almost 9 years since my son turned 18 and I began this search....NINE YEARS!!! The ONLY information that I had were the facts that I could remember. I ordered the hospital records to see if I could begin there...I registered with state groups, country-wide groups...any place that would let me record my information and my desire to find my son and/or be found by him. I've done 'the work'......
All these people that call themselves 'angels' sure don't act like angels when you go against what THEY think you should do. I'm not here to be judged; I had enough of that in my childhood. Now I'm getting judged for taking a route other than what 'they' think I should? I'm here to find my son. That's it....TO FIND MY SON. Not to be insulted and belittled by ANYONE; especially those that pretend to be something that they are not.
Don't misinterpret what I'm saying here...there are many, many fellow adoptees and birth parents that I have met on this journey that I am proud to say are now friends...and I really, REALLY appreciate them and their input; however, I am an adult and will make my own decisions based upon what's best for both me and my family....not because someone thinks that I 'should.' Louise Hay said it best when she said that she would like the word 'should' removed from our vocabulary as it's used to assert guilt on its receiver.
The past seven days have been hell on me, my family and our close friends. I am just dumbfounded at those that have lashed out at me; both for wanting to hire Kinsolving to find my son and for setting up the donation site and telling my story!! Condemning me for not wanting to send out 2,983 letters to a random list of men born on my son's birth day (that was last updated in 2004) and then wait for, what you HOPE to be an honest answer? Really!?!?!? Being fed all this negative energy from those that are supposed to be supportive and positive?!?! To tell me that I 'should' be very careful so as to not come off as an 'angry' first mom?? Are you kidding me? I've had to hide my feelings FOR 27 YEARS!!! Damn right I'm angry!!! It's my right as a human being to be angry. If you don't agree with that, it's your prerogative; however, keep it to yourself. Look into the mirror and attack the person you're REALLY angry at. Stop projecting your anger towards me.
And you (you know who you are) call yourselves 'angels'.
Now that I've completed my venting on this issue here's the latest on the con man...the FBI, as you have probably read in my earlier blog post, has no interest in going after this man; however, my former boss is looking into some criminal charges against him. I, myself, have removed myself and my family from all of this continuing drama. The reporter will publish his article on what this man has done to me and my family in hopes that his face will be plastered all over the media both here and in Massachusetts. My goal in all this is, since the FBI won't touch him, that we get his face 'out there' so that anyone he comes into contact with in the future will know his face...and his name. Once the article is published I will post a link to my blog and to my Facebook profile for all to see...the more people that see his face and know his name, the better. I would not want this man's Karma for all the money in the world!!! I'll keep you all posted!
Thanks for taking the time to read my blog! (((HUGS)))
It has been almost 9 years since my son turned 18 and I began this search....NINE YEARS!!! The ONLY information that I had were the facts that I could remember. I ordered the hospital records to see if I could begin there...I registered with state groups, country-wide groups...any place that would let me record my information and my desire to find my son and/or be found by him. I've done 'the work'......
All these people that call themselves 'angels' sure don't act like angels when you go against what THEY think you should do. I'm not here to be judged; I had enough of that in my childhood. Now I'm getting judged for taking a route other than what 'they' think I should? I'm here to find my son. That's it....TO FIND MY SON. Not to be insulted and belittled by ANYONE; especially those that pretend to be something that they are not.
Don't misinterpret what I'm saying here...there are many, many fellow adoptees and birth parents that I have met on this journey that I am proud to say are now friends...and I really, REALLY appreciate them and their input; however, I am an adult and will make my own decisions based upon what's best for both me and my family....not because someone thinks that I 'should.' Louise Hay said it best when she said that she would like the word 'should' removed from our vocabulary as it's used to assert guilt on its receiver.
The past seven days have been hell on me, my family and our close friends. I am just dumbfounded at those that have lashed out at me; both for wanting to hire Kinsolving to find my son and for setting up the donation site and telling my story!! Condemning me for not wanting to send out 2,983 letters to a random list of men born on my son's birth day (that was last updated in 2004) and then wait for, what you HOPE to be an honest answer? Really!?!?!? Being fed all this negative energy from those that are supposed to be supportive and positive?!?! To tell me that I 'should' be very careful so as to not come off as an 'angry' first mom?? Are you kidding me? I've had to hide my feelings FOR 27 YEARS!!! Damn right I'm angry!!! It's my right as a human being to be angry. If you don't agree with that, it's your prerogative; however, keep it to yourself. Look into the mirror and attack the person you're REALLY angry at. Stop projecting your anger towards me.
And you (you know who you are) call yourselves 'angels'.
Now that I've completed my venting on this issue here's the latest on the con man...the FBI, as you have probably read in my earlier blog post, has no interest in going after this man; however, my former boss is looking into some criminal charges against him. I, myself, have removed myself and my family from all of this continuing drama. The reporter will publish his article on what this man has done to me and my family in hopes that his face will be plastered all over the media both here and in Massachusetts. My goal in all this is, since the FBI won't touch him, that we get his face 'out there' so that anyone he comes into contact with in the future will know his face...and his name. Once the article is published I will post a link to my blog and to my Facebook profile for all to see...the more people that see his face and know his name, the better. I would not want this man's Karma for all the money in the world!!! I'll keep you all posted!
Thanks for taking the time to read my blog! (((HUGS)))
REPOST: Posted and removed Jan. 26, 2010
So here's my original blog that had been removed as per FBI request:
I can't believe I'm having to write this but here goes....I found out today that it was all a hoax. The man that claimed to have 'found' my son through "Homeland Security" is a con man. Has been for years and years according to reports from Massachusetts. This man went through this entire, elaborate scheme JUST to scam me and my family! He claimed to have 'inside connections' to Homeland Security and that's whom he claimed he was utilizing to get into the sealed adoption records. Wow! (I thought) after years of hitting dead ends we've finally found someone that could get us his name!!! Not only did he supply this set of 'Secure Documents" but also his name, his address, the types of vehicles he owned, his adoptive parents' names and that he worked for US Customs and Border Patrol in the Port of Los Angeles and had a level 2 security clearance and that the only criminal record he had was a DUI 4 months ago....BUT I couldn't try to contact him for several months because they'd KNOW that his "record" had been pulled by Homeland Security and, if I came 'up on the radar' within that time period that I could be arrested and held until I revealed my source; thus, causing several 'high security people' serious trouble. I bought it, ladies and gentlemen. Hook, line and sinker. EVERY BIT OF IT LIES!! How did we find out??
Along comes my wonderful search angel, Carol. She couldn't WAIT to get his contact info so that I could make contact with him; telling me that the line I was getting from 'him' was bogus and made no sense. After a few days of waiting for a picture from his "jacket" that was promised to me LAST week, I began to wonder. Last night, with Carol's encouragement and support, I called the apartment complex that he supposedly lived in; the woman in the renter's office had been there for 5 years and handled all leases and payments and said that no one by that name lived there, nor had anyone with that name lived there for, at least, the past five years. RED FLAG....DUH.
Today; called a couple of knowledgeable folks out there and got a contact number for the US Customs and Border Patrol office that handles the Port of Los Angeles ( and a WHOLE bunch of other ports of entry, too)....I spoke to a lovely lady whom was kind enough to check the data base for my sons 'name' and date of birth....she was sorry to tell me that no one with that name and date of birth was employed by US Customs and Border Patrol. RED FLAG AGAIN!! But, here' s trusting, desperate me...still wanting to believe the good in everyone....called a private detective that I had just met to explain to her what this man had given me, where the information reportedly came from, the explanations he had given me about not being able to contact my son, etc. She, not liking what she heard, offered to do a background search for me...and low and behold! All the info is right there, in google-land!! I, at this moment, and as of about 11:15 am EST, am covered in hives, have a horrible pounding headache, an upset stomach and other physical ailments that I don't like to have, let alone make you read about. Both of my children have tummy aches tonight, as well. I had no choice but to tell them that it was all a lie.
We have learned, just this afternoon, that this man has an EXTENSIVE con man history....starting up near Worcester, Mass and carrying on through FL. Not only conning people out of their money but also pretending to be a 3 star General from the Air Force, a former fighter pilot (he has a civilian pilot's license) to being retired from Blackwater and owning a castle in England that he inherited from a former multi-million dollar employer. Lying about things as simple as how his first wife died; telling us all that she had been involved in a car accident, treated at a local hospital and released, then falling down dead suddenly from an undetected brain bleed. Real story: she died of 'sudden respiratory failure of unknown cause'...are you thinking what I'm thinking??
Now I'm angry...we're all angry...but, worst of all, my 2 daughters are DEVASTATED. They thought that, after almost 9 years of searching, that we had finally found their brother. I think they were as excited as I was!!! Their hearts are broken. My heart is broken. Now comes the question WHY??????? He didn't (or at least hadn't up till now) ask me for any money. This was being done as a 'personal favor for his sis' (that's what he called me)...so no money needed. WHY??? What kind of MONSTER prays on a desperate birth mom and her family? What kind of MONSTER pretends to have 'inside connections' to sealed records KNOWING DAMN WELL THAT HE DID NOT!!!!????!!!!! Why would someone DO this to another human being??? If I could contain my anger, heart break and disgust near him I'd be almost curious to see how he was going to con his way out of this one! Our guess: he had told me just this past Monday that he had, once again, contacted his connection in Homeland Security to request my son's cell phone number and 'jacket' picture and that he, himself, was going to contact my son and fake an interview for a Blackwater job...he would then ask him a battery of personal questions that included whether my son had ever considered finding his birth mother. I FLIPPED out on him...telling him that he couldn't do that; he has NO KNOWLEDGE of either side of the adoption trauma and that, without knowledge, he could ruin ANY chance I had at meeting my son. This man then told me that he was going to do it with or without my blessing. So, the hunch is that he would have come to me and said that my son had no interest in me so as not to blow his con artist cover but still, in his eyes, look like the hero by being able to get information that no one else could get.
For those of you that know me personally, you know what an error it was for this man to mess with my family; especially the hearts, spirits and souls of my daughters. There are already things set in motion to see how this man's karma can come back at him 1,000 fold through legal and public entities; anyone that knows me knows just how resourceful I can be. But now there's been a multitude of search angels, 2 different private investigators and a multitude of supporters that I have met over the years of searching yet we still are NO closer to finding my son.
So what I'm doing is setting up a web site in order to accept monetary donations until I've reached my goal of $3,500. so that I can hire Kinsolving to find my son for me. They are the ONLY organization out there known to find the 'unfindable'. I have sent them an inquiry and they say that they can help me so I've gotta do it. But there's NO WAY we can afford their fee...it would take me another couple of years to save up that much money in this economy. I can't wait that long. My site is www.findmyson.org It will be up and running within the next 24-48 hours. Donations will be accepted by paypal at melanee.findmyson@gmail.com as well. If you know anyone that would help, PLEASE send them to either place...my heart can't take any more disappointment. Thank you all for reading my blog.
Now, there have been some changes since this blog originally hit the net.....the FBI decided NOT to pursue charges against this man; although he continues to pretend to be a 3-star general and carries a fake military ID (which is a blatant violation of the Stolen Valor Act of 2005) because he's deemed a 'white collar' criminal. After direct contact with various arms of law enforcement; from the FBI down to local police officers, it's acceptable to say that some people CAN get away with anything! There are 2 confirmed warrants for this man in Massachusetts; however, the state will not extradite him from Florida.
I can't believe I'm having to write this but here goes....I found out today that it was all a hoax. The man that claimed to have 'found' my son through "Homeland Security" is a con man. Has been for years and years according to reports from Massachusetts. This man went through this entire, elaborate scheme JUST to scam me and my family! He claimed to have 'inside connections' to Homeland Security and that's whom he claimed he was utilizing to get into the sealed adoption records. Wow! (I thought) after years of hitting dead ends we've finally found someone that could get us his name!!! Not only did he supply this set of 'Secure Documents" but also his name, his address, the types of vehicles he owned, his adoptive parents' names and that he worked for US Customs and Border Patrol in the Port of Los Angeles and had a level 2 security clearance and that the only criminal record he had was a DUI 4 months ago....BUT I couldn't try to contact him for several months because they'd KNOW that his "record" had been pulled by Homeland Security and, if I came 'up on the radar' within that time period that I could be arrested and held until I revealed my source; thus, causing several 'high security people' serious trouble. I bought it, ladies and gentlemen. Hook, line and sinker. EVERY BIT OF IT LIES!! How did we find out??
Along comes my wonderful search angel, Carol. She couldn't WAIT to get his contact info so that I could make contact with him; telling me that the line I was getting from 'him' was bogus and made no sense. After a few days of waiting for a picture from his "jacket" that was promised to me LAST week, I began to wonder. Last night, with Carol's encouragement and support, I called the apartment complex that he supposedly lived in; the woman in the renter's office had been there for 5 years and handled all leases and payments and said that no one by that name lived there, nor had anyone with that name lived there for, at least, the past five years. RED FLAG....DUH.
Today; called a couple of knowledgeable folks out there and got a contact number for the US Customs and Border Patrol office that handles the Port of Los Angeles ( and a WHOLE bunch of other ports of entry, too)....I spoke to a lovely lady whom was kind enough to check the data base for my sons 'name' and date of birth....she was sorry to tell me that no one with that name and date of birth was employed by US Customs and Border Patrol. RED FLAG AGAIN!! But, here' s trusting, desperate me...still wanting to believe the good in everyone....called a private detective that I had just met to explain to her what this man had given me, where the information reportedly came from, the explanations he had given me about not being able to contact my son, etc. She, not liking what she heard, offered to do a background search for me...and low and behold! All the info is right there, in google-land!! I, at this moment, and as of about 11:15 am EST, am covered in hives, have a horrible pounding headache, an upset stomach and other physical ailments that I don't like to have, let alone make you read about. Both of my children have tummy aches tonight, as well. I had no choice but to tell them that it was all a lie.
We have learned, just this afternoon, that this man has an EXTENSIVE con man history....starting up near Worcester, Mass and carrying on through FL. Not only conning people out of their money but also pretending to be a 3 star General from the Air Force, a former fighter pilot (he has a civilian pilot's license) to being retired from Blackwater and owning a castle in England that he inherited from a former multi-million dollar employer. Lying about things as simple as how his first wife died; telling us all that she had been involved in a car accident, treated at a local hospital and released, then falling down dead suddenly from an undetected brain bleed. Real story: she died of 'sudden respiratory failure of unknown cause'...are you thinking what I'm thinking??
Now I'm angry...we're all angry...but, worst of all, my 2 daughters are DEVASTATED. They thought that, after almost 9 years of searching, that we had finally found their brother. I think they were as excited as I was!!! Their hearts are broken. My heart is broken. Now comes the question WHY??????? He didn't (or at least hadn't up till now) ask me for any money. This was being done as a 'personal favor for his sis' (that's what he called me)...so no money needed. WHY??? What kind of MONSTER prays on a desperate birth mom and her family? What kind of MONSTER pretends to have 'inside connections' to sealed records KNOWING DAMN WELL THAT HE DID NOT!!!!????!!!!! Why would someone DO this to another human being??? If I could contain my anger, heart break and disgust near him I'd be almost curious to see how he was going to con his way out of this one! Our guess: he had told me just this past Monday that he had, once again, contacted his connection in Homeland Security to request my son's cell phone number and 'jacket' picture and that he, himself, was going to contact my son and fake an interview for a Blackwater job...he would then ask him a battery of personal questions that included whether my son had ever considered finding his birth mother. I FLIPPED out on him...telling him that he couldn't do that; he has NO KNOWLEDGE of either side of the adoption trauma and that, without knowledge, he could ruin ANY chance I had at meeting my son. This man then told me that he was going to do it with or without my blessing. So, the hunch is that he would have come to me and said that my son had no interest in me so as not to blow his con artist cover but still, in his eyes, look like the hero by being able to get information that no one else could get.
For those of you that know me personally, you know what an error it was for this man to mess with my family; especially the hearts, spirits and souls of my daughters. There are already things set in motion to see how this man's karma can come back at him 1,000 fold through legal and public entities; anyone that knows me knows just how resourceful I can be. But now there's been a multitude of search angels, 2 different private investigators and a multitude of supporters that I have met over the years of searching yet we still are NO closer to finding my son.
So what I'm doing is setting up a web site in order to accept monetary donations until I've reached my goal of $3,500. so that I can hire Kinsolving to find my son for me. They are the ONLY organization out there known to find the 'unfindable'. I have sent them an inquiry and they say that they can help me so I've gotta do it. But there's NO WAY we can afford their fee...it would take me another couple of years to save up that much money in this economy. I can't wait that long. My site is www.findmyson.org It will be up and running within the next 24-48 hours. Donations will be accepted by paypal at melanee.findmyson@gmail.com as well. If you know anyone that would help, PLEASE send them to either place...my heart can't take any more disappointment. Thank you all for reading my blog.
Now, there have been some changes since this blog originally hit the net.....the FBI decided NOT to pursue charges against this man; although he continues to pretend to be a 3-star general and carries a fake military ID (which is a blatant violation of the Stolen Valor Act of 2005) because he's deemed a 'white collar' criminal. After direct contact with various arms of law enforcement; from the FBI down to local police officers, it's acceptable to say that some people CAN get away with anything! There are 2 confirmed warrants for this man in Massachusetts; however, the state will not extradite him from Florida.
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